A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone."Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!""It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report."There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street."Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.Two days later, they sat down with their cup of coffee and listened the weather forecast."There will be two to four inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street."Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.Three days later, they tuned in to the weather report."There will be six to eight inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the...." The power went off.He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now?"Martha said, "Just leave the car in the garage."

I read this article that said your car reflects your personality. I don't have a car.

Anybody who tells you that life is brief hasn't been to the registry of motor vehicles recently.

I was actually in my car today, and I was just driving, and I noticed a guy on the sidewalk holding a cardboard sign that said, 'Where will you spend eternity?'. And that kind of freaked me out because I was on my way to the DMV.

I'm getting a new car. You know what kind of car I'm getting? I'm getting a Honda Civic because those are very safe cars. And I know 'cause I saw a guy total one the other day when I ran him off the road.

I got a rental car, and they gave me a Daewoo. Daewoo: that's Korean for 'Just walk.'

You ever been on the highway, and your side's just cruising, no problem? The other side is backed up miles and miles in traffic. It's a good feeling, isn't it? I don't even enjoy the guy stuck in the middle as much as the guy who's 10 miles back who doesn't see it coming.

A lot of times, I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.

Q: Why does a traffic light turn red?A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too.